(0:01 - 0:14)

My nipples are on fire today, Brittany. Then let's get it started. Brittany? Yes, Nikki? Is this too much? You're always too much.

 

(0:15 - 0:28)

How do you know when it's enough? It's never enough, you know that. Yes, I do know that. Welcome to Is This Too Much? We say things in this podcast that I guarantee you, you'll never hear anywhere else.

 

(0:30 - 0:36)

And you never know what Nikki's gonna say. Because I don't care what I say, you know that, Britt. Yes, I sure do know that.

 

(0:37 - 0:45)

I'm your co-host for Brittany Krystantos. You may know me from my books or talks on mental health. And I'll lend you my dog, Charlie, if you need some cuddles.

 

(0:45 - 0:52)

But only for the night. I'm your other co-host, Nikki Steele. And I'm an entertainment jack of all trades.

 

(0:53 - 1:03)

Rhinestones and studs is who I am and a little rock and roll. And I'll never eat anything that bursts. How are you, buddy? Here we go.

 

(1:04 - 1:55)

Let's get it. Can we spot the warning signs of a psychopath before it's too late? Do you want to be armed well with information on how to figure it out? How to know where they are? Because they can be anywhere. Well, John Dellatore has the answer for you.

 

(1:56 - 2:13)

Dr. John Dellatore is a licensed psychologist in Texas, Arizona, and New York State. He has a license to provide sex offender treatment in Texas. Dr. Dellatore has a master's degree in jurisprudence from St. Mary's University School of Law.

 

(2:13 - 2:59)

Dr. Dellatore completed his doctoral internship at a crisis stabilization unit and completed advanced training in forensic psychology. Dr. Dellatore provides therapy and assessment for a variety of concerns, including providing for interventions for the severely mentally ill, individuals with significant trauma histories, and crisis interventions deescalization. He has training and experience in various assessments, including general psychological risk threat assessments, competency to stand trial, criminal responsibility, psychosexual evaluations, and police and public safety evaluations.

 

(3:00 - 3:15)

Dr. Dellatore has frequently been used as an expert in true crime docuseries and podcasts. He has provided live trial analysis for Cork TV and the Law and Crime Trial Network. He has completed training as a negotiator mediator.

 

(3:16 - 4:42)

Please welcome Dr. John Dellatore. Thank you so much, John, for being here. We're so excited to talk about this topic.

 

(4:42 - 5:04)

Can we spot the warning signs of a sociopath before it's too late? I mean, this is incredible. I think this is really helpful for so many people who need to know the signs. And dating, dating online, meeting people for the first time, going to different public places, and not having any kind of background information on what we should be looking for.

 

(5:05 - 5:25)

Can you tell us a little bit about your background? How did you get into the work that you do? Yeah, so I'm a licensed psychologist in Arizona, Texas, and New York State. I have a private practice in San Antonio. I practice primarily forensic psychology.

 

(5:26 - 5:58)

Now, forensic psychology is just kind of a blanket term for anything in which you apply psychological concepts to the law. So law enforcement, courts, just attorneys can all contact me, and they say, well, I have a client or something's going on, and we kind of want to know why this thing is happening, whatever it is. And so then I would just kind of use my training as a clinical psychologist to answer whatever questions that they have.

 

(5:58 - 6:12)

So I'm trained as a clinical psychologist. I don't do much therapy. I primarily do kind of evaluations based on whatever questions the court system, the judicial system has.

 

(6:12 - 6:41)

That's good to know. And so can you tell us what is a sociopath? How do we find a sociopath, first of all? Like, what are the signs of a sociopath? Yeah, so I think, you know, I think we get two kind of terms conflated in the world, which is that of a sociopath and that of a psychopath. I think oftentimes people use them interchangeably, and that's not quite accurate.

 

(6:41 - 6:58)

The reality is, is that there is no such thing as a sociopath or psychopath as a diagnosis. So if anybody is thinking that, well, I'm interacting with this person, so they must have a mental illness and be a sociopath. That's not how that works.

 

(6:59 - 7:17)

A psychopath generally has a problem within themselves. A sociopath generally has a problem with kind of society as it exists. Both of these individuals rub up against other people, right? They challenge other people.

 

(7:17 - 7:35)

They make other people uncomfortable. And so, but they do it in kind of different ways. A sociopath is trying to kind of bring down society as a whole, while the psychopath is really trying to bring down another individual or maybe a small group of individuals.

 

(7:36 - 7:45)

Both of them are attempting to kind of get something. But how they do it is just a tad bit different. It's a tad different.

 

(7:45 - 8:02)

How is it different? What exactly, what is the difference? Because I got to tell you, I have met people along the way that I see them coming towards me, and there's like nothing in their eyes. They're dark, they're black, they're empty. There's nothing there.

 

(8:02 - 8:12)

I've seen it, and someone has said to me, oh, well, she's a sociopath. Oh, she's a psychopath. What, how do I know? Well, okay.

 

(8:12 - 8:43)

So the reality is that each one of us individually is unlikely to interact with a true psychopath or sociopath. When it comes to what diagnosis is applicable to these individuals, the primary one is antisocial personality disorder. Antisocial personality disorder is really just this kind of individual who doesn't believe that laws, rules, regulations, societal norms, these kinds of things don't apply to that individual.

 

(8:44 - 8:50)

That's the belief. They believe themselves to be the smartest person in the room. They believe themselves to be the most charming person in the room.

 

(8:50 - 9:11)

They believe themselves to be like a bunch of things more than other people. But the real problem is the world puts in rules, regulations, and they don't like it. And so they operate in the world based on their own set of rules and regulations, how whatever it is that they think that they should be doing.

 

(9:12 - 9:39)

The prevalence of an individual with antisocial personality disorder is somewhere between 0.6% to 3.6% of the U.S. North American population. Okay. So if we just look at the U.S. population, we're about 340 million people, which is about just a little bit over 10 million people would have ASPD.

 

(9:40 - 10:06)

So the reality is that you're not going to interact with one of these individuals. The other reality is that even if you did interact with one of these individuals, you're probably not going to really recognize that you are. Once you start interacting with them over a longer period of time, your gut is going to tell you that you're interacting with someone that you should not be around.

 

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Okay. So when we find these signs, when they come towards us, there's a lot of times where, you know, I've met people that are very controlling. They want to own me.

 

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You know, they want me to be theirs. You know, they want me to, if I don't do for them what they need me to do, I'm the bad one. You know, how do I know what characteristics are sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissistic? Like, I feel like, you know, we all have tendencies to have some sort of narcissism.

 

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I mean, I get a little bit, right? Sure. I mean, I, you know, you think you're fabulous. You know, sometimes, I mean, everyone has an idea of themselves.

 

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I guess. In order to function, you need to have a level of, a certain level of superiority in order to kind of interact well with other people. That's true.

 

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But what is it that makes that fine line? Essentially, it's about what boundaries are they willing to cross in order to get whatever it is that they want. So if you're interacting with some man and you can tell that what he wants is sex. Okay.

 

(11:23 - 11:36)

The psychopath or the sociopath who's interested in only that will cross the boundary to violate you. Now, that doesn't mean that every rapist is a sociopath or psychopath. That's not what I'm saying.

 

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I've met one before then. Yeah. You can see memories now.

 

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Yeah. It's really just about what boundaries are they willing to cross. So what does that mean? So a man wants to have sex with me.

 

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Okay. What boundary would I be looking for? Like, that they just don't listen to when I say no, that they just don't listen to the things that I have talked about or explained or something from my heart. Like, what is it that I'm looking for? It's no.

 

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It's the no boundary. No. It's the no boundary.

 

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Whatever. I was grateful for that. Just an example.

 

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And I remember this guy. I said no, and he wouldn't stop. But now thinking back, I remember his eyes.

 

(12:19 - 12:27)

It was like he blacked out. And he told me he was on medication for something. And he said he doesn't know how to control himself.

 

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And he had no soul in his eyes. And he totally blacked out. I don't know.

 

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And he just kept going. Kept going. And I said no, and I punched him off.

 

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And then finally he stopped because his parents were upstairs. He was worried he was going to get in trouble. But he supposedly had medication for something.

 

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I don't remember what. He didn't tell me what it was. But it was to do with his controls.

 

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And I saw, I felt like that could potentially be. I was 19. I was a kid.

 

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Yeah. I also think that he was lying to you. I'm sure he was taking medications, but it wasn't for that.

 

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No. So the no boundary is the most obvious boundary, right? There are ways in which you can say no with your body language. And those signs are missed.

 

(13:13 - 13:27)

But overtly speaking, when you say no, a man should know I need to stop. Now obviously we're going to genderize a lot of sociopaths and psychopaths to be men. That's what we're going to be doing.

 

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The reality is that most of them are. Are there women that are sociopaths and psychopaths? Obviously there are. But the prevalence of women being these is a lot lower than men being these.

 

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And I think that has to change. And what kind of things would we look for in a friend, a woman, somebody that's part of our family? What kind of woman characteristics? Because for a man, it's like animalistic. Would that make sense? They have an animalistic tendency to keep going, to get what they want.

 

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But for a woman, what would that look like? Yeah. So I think the real difference is the physicalness, right? The actual way in which they physically go about doing it. But when you say animalistic, what I think is a better word would be predatory.

​

(14:25 - 14:37)

These individuals aren't necessarily animalistic. When I think of an animal, I think of a being that doesn't have a prefrontal cortex. It's not considering what it's doing.

 

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It's basing its decisions purely on its own survival. That's what I meant by that. A sociopath or psychopath is always aware of what they're doing.

​

(14:51 - 15:08)

They've always been considerate about what they're doing. They've always planned what they're doing. So it's much more predatory than animalistic, right? So the idea that – and going back to Brittany's story about this guy who just blacks out.

 

(15:09 - 15:25)

People who black out, like legitimately black out, they're unconscious. They're not doing anything, right? They're not physically capable of doing it because they are blacked out. Blacking out means that you are rendered unconscious.

 

(15:26 - 15:40)

The excuse that is common, and I hear it in my practice, is that, well, I don't remember because I blacked out. No, you didn't, right? You're choosing not to remember that you're engaging in a problematic behavior. But the reality is that you wanted to do it, so you did.

 

(15:41 - 15:55)

Not remembering it is not the same thing as being blacked out. Okay. What kind of things can we look for? Let's say we're meeting somebody at a public place like a bar, restaurant, and we're meeting them at the bar.

 

(15:55 - 16:20)

So let's say they're going to come for a drink to start, and then if we enjoy meeting them, we can continue on for dinner. What should be a red flag? What should be something that we're looking for in terms of the first 10 minutes? Is there something we can look for or we won't see it? I know you said there wasn't a lot of them around. There isn't, but I mean.

 

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Like true, true sociopaths. Someone will interact with a psychopath out in the street. That will happen.

 

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Will it be any of us? Probably not. But the thing about being a sociopath or a psychopath is that they are what I will call charming. Okay.

 

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Now being charming isn't the same thing as let's say the idea that we have of Prince Charming. Right. The psychopath and the sociopath have a superficial charm.

 

(16:54 - 17:37)

So you can tell that they're after something. Now again, when you're out, right, and you're looking to, and you put your vulnerable self out there to interact with other people, you know automatically that everyone is trying to get something. Right.

 

Instinctively, we all know this. And when we think of like the stereotype of a man, we already know that the reality is, is that his ultimate motivation is to have sex with me. Right.

 

His ultimate motivation is to have an experience of you, not so much with you. So like, you know, as a woman, you kind of get that. But there's a way in which they go about it.

 

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And it's not just that they won't take no for an answer. It's that they'll become much more aggressive. If they've targeted you for satisfying whatever need that they have, you tell a guy, no, maybe he sticks around for a little bit longer because he doesn't catch the hint.

 

(17:55 - 18:11)

But ultimately you can kind of walk away from him and that's going to be the end of it. The psychopath or sociopath who has targeted you won't take that. Right.

 

They will continue to follow you. Right. They will continue to interact with you.

 

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Yeah. They will continue to become more and more aggressive in that interaction because they want to cross a boundary that you've put up a boundary, whatever that is. Now they want to cross it.

 

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Now that's the motivation is bringing you down because you said no. So they are, is it like a challenge after a while? Well, challenge makes it seem like you as the victim have really kind of any agency in this. They don't care.

 

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If you put up, if you've, if you've made yourself, you know, if you've removed that vulnerability, right. That, you know, you, you put yourself out there, that's making yourself vulnerable. You said, no, you've walked away.

 

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You've hardened yourself right now. You're not vulnerable. Now you're not going to be interacting with this guy.

 

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The challenge comes across. It makes it sound like you're on equal footing with this person. The moment they catch you by yourself, they're going to do what they're going to do.

 

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And there's not really much that you can do about it. They have a goal in their mind. Yeah.

 

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They it's, it's less about the challenge and it's more about in, in their mind, what they're doing is number one, getting their needs satisfied. And number two, they're, they're embarrassing you. They're trying to, they're trying to take your agency away from you.

 

(19:49 - 19:55)

They're trying to make it seem like, well, because you thought you were better than me. I'm going to show you what you actually are. Okay.

 

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So it's, it's not a challenge, right? That's not what it is. It's, it's, it's putting you in your place. Gotcha.

 

(20:02 - 20:15)

Okay. So, okay. So that, and then, so we have that, that, that example of someone that just has a goal and they want to get what they want and they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want, like an animal basically.

 

(20:15 - 20:35)

Right? Like you say no to sex, they're going to hold you down and do it. Then how do we separate that from like serial killer now? Like Jeffrey Dahmer, people who, you know, actually are like animals, like, like I remember watching the show and he was like murdering animals from early age. Like he loved killing.

 

(20:35 - 21:25)

So how do we know separate sociopath into like what a serial killer is now? Well, I think that becomes a lot more, that becomes a lot more difficult and I think, you know, research that we have into serial killing has been, has been kind of the culprit in conflating a lot of these different terms. It's important to understand that serial killers have a sort of, they're ritualistic, and by ritualistic that doesn't mean it's religious, what it means is that they have a particular way in which they go about doing their serial killing. They've either chosen a specific type of victim, they've chosen a specific type of weapon, place, there's something specific that needs to be done each time in order for the arousal fantasy that they have to be satisfied.

 

(21:26 - 21:43)

The psychopath or sociopath, they don't necessarily need to kill you. They may not necessarily need to rape you, they may not necessarily need to harm you in any way. It could just be that they've decided, well, you know what, I want all the money that exists in this world.

 

(21:44 - 22:00)

And so I'm going to establish a business, and as my business goes, I'm not going to care about people's feelings. I'm willing to cross boundaries that people have put up. Those boundaries are, you know, you can't take my money, I'm going to take your money, right? So a psychopath or sociopath doesn't need to kill.

 

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Are there psychopaths or sociopaths that are serial killers? Yes, there absolutely are. But serial killing in and of itself doesn't necessarily mean that the person is a sociopath or psychopath. Okay, so let's say you have a business, and I'll give you an example.

 

(22:21 - 23:17)

Let's say you work for a dentist, okay, and the dentist increases the prices to suit what he thinks his level of artistry and knowledge in the mouth should be paid for. And he basically continues to raise those prices over and over and over until he gets just to the point where people stop coming to him. Is that sociopathic when you think you can keep doing and doing and doing and doing and doing? Is that one of the characteristics? Or is that just greedy? Is that greedy? Like, where does that line cross? That's what I'm so confused about what exactly I should be, you know, really intrigued by the whole thing.

 

(23:17 - 23:47)

Like, I'm just so I'm so interested to know this because like we said earlier, it does get thrown around often sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, all these things. And I mean, as human beings, I mean, we must have some tendencies towards everything, but I'm still missing that fine line and what it would be. Well, the fine line is that if you're interacting with a psychopath, you know, at any point that they'll kill you and they'll enjoy it.

 

(23:48 - 24:07)

Okay, okay. So you understand. So even those psychopaths who decide that they're not going to be killers who are, you know, these sort of fortune 500 CEOs or whatever, you get you get the sense that they'll take your life, and they'll enjoy taking taking your life.

 

(24:08 - 24:13)

Okay, so like a dentist who just kind of charges. I mean, that's that's poor business practices. And that's great.

 

(24:13 - 24:17)

So that's probably just stupid. Right. So that's what I'm asking.

 

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That's not sociopathic when they think they can do whatever they want. Right. But so coming back to the bar, we go to the bar, I meet somebody, Brittany needs somebody.

 

(24:27 - 24:39)

What exactly am I looking for? Well, because you're the single one. Yeah. What are you looking for? I mean, honestly, you really shouldn't be looking for anything.

 

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You should be feeling. Okay, what's going on inside of you? If, if you're if you're interacting with someone, and that conversation leaves you more confused at the end of it, then when you entered it, and that person has been lying to you. So instead of looking at because you're never going to that there is no kind of physical profile of a psychopath, they can look like anything.

 

(25:06 - 25:13)

Yeah, they could be attractive, they cannot be attracted. Like Jeffrey Dahmer, right? Jeffrey Dahmer was adorable. And he was.

 

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I mean, to some people, he was. I don't know that he's object. Right.

 

(25:19 - 25:22)

But again, he was a normal looking man. Like he was a normal. Yes.

 

(25:22 - 25:28)

Right. He was a normal looking man. What was the other one, the other serial killer that had a movie? What was his name? He was good looking.

 

(25:28 - 25:32)

Zac Efron played him. I forget now. That was Ted Bundy.

 

(25:32 - 25:34)

Oh, yeah. He was good looking. He was good looking.

 

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He was gorgeous. He would be perceived as a good looking guy. That like girls would like his charm.

 

(25:40 - 25:59)

There is an example of charm, right? So that's the other thing is that you have to understand the difference between what is charm versus what is charisma. Right. So psychopaths and sociopaths have been able to weaponize empathy to a point where they can have a superficial charm.

 

(25:59 - 26:10)

It is charming in that they're more than willing to come to you. That's the thing with charm. Someone who has charm comes to you.

 

(26:10 - 26:35)

Someone who has charisma has you come to them. Charisma is about having this sort of something, right, this X factor that people are kind of drawn to. Charm, however, is more about there's a level of confidence there, right, that they're more than willing to talk to a group of women and they'll embarrass themselves or something.

 

(26:35 - 26:57)

So charm is about being confident in your abilities as an individual. And the psychopath and sociopath, the antisocial, these individuals are definitely confident in their ability to interact with another person. They have to be because they, in order to get what they want, they need to interact with other people.

 

(26:59 - 27:09)

That makes sense. That's making my mind to us now. And then, what's this called? Ted, what was his name again? Ted Bundy.

 

(27:10 - 27:35)

So the thing I have about that is he never killed his wife. He always had, I think he had a wife, right? But why did he kill her? Is it because he loved her and he killed everyone else? He wanted to front. Did he want to front? Like he wanted to front what was happening on the outside to keep everything here on the inside normal? Because you said a lot of serial killers have a target, whether it's only guys or only females, and they have a plan.

 

(27:35 - 27:45)

They don't just go and just murder random people. They always have a plan. And so I want to know more about that because, first of all, I'm scared of watching serial killing movies.

 

(27:45 - 27:48)

But here I am talking about it. It's like, well, like that. But we have to learn.

 

(27:48 - 28:03)

We have to learn. The only person that can actually know why they did what they did is the person themselves. And the reality is that even if they did know, you can't trust anything that that person says.

 

(28:03 - 28:28)

They're more than willing to lie to you about everything, about anything, just to either suit their own needs or to suit whatever need that they think that you're trying to get satisfied. So why not? I mean, I honestly have no idea. Why would he kill one person instead of the next person? Not his wife.

 

(28:28 - 28:53)

Right. Why two people could be looking the exact same, and he kills one and not the other? Why? That person, there's a compulsion aspect associated with it. And the compulsion may not have been there to attack one person instead of another, to attack a wife instead of a girlfriend that he had, like 15.

 

(28:53 - 29:09)

You know what I mean? Yeah. It's not an unconscious motivator, right? Because, again, they're making a choice. But there is a compulsion to do this thing to this person and not this other person.

 

(29:10 - 29:24)

The reality is that we're never true because we're not mind readers. We're never really going to want to know why, which is why you can't really be on the lookout for stuff. You have to just know your own feelings.

 

(29:24 - 29:39)

You have to know your own self. You have to know when your boundaries are being tested in a way that you don't like, those are the things you need to be looking out for. Now, some people like their boundaries tested for various reasons.

 

(29:39 - 29:52)

I'm not here to judge why someone interacts with a person the way that they do. What I'm telling you is that if you feel uncomfortable, then there's something wrong in this interaction. Otherwise, because people need other people.

 

(29:53 - 30:15)

So if you feel uncomfortable, then there's something in the interaction that is going wrong, and your body is trying to tell you, hey, you need to get out of this thing for whatever reason. So coming back to basics, and that is your mind lies to you, your heart lies to you, but your gut never lies to you. Your gut never lies.

 

(30:15 - 30:31)

Your gut will always tell you the truth about an interaction with somebody, about a feeling about doing something, about not doing something. And I find when I feel like that with people, I'm usually dead on, but I'm a Scorpio. So we are very, you know, we pick up on a lot.

 

(30:32 - 30:36)

I'm a Pisces, and I trust everyone. You do, you do. So that's again, so I'm in the bar.

 

(30:36 - 30:40)

We're at the bar right now. I'm at the bar. I'm here, but I'm at the bar by myself, which I never go to bars.

 

(30:40 - 30:50)

I don't drink alcohol, but I'm at the bar, whatever. I'm drinking tea. And a guy's, I'm on a blind date or tinder date or bumble date, which I would never go on.

 

(30:50 - 30:58)

But a guy, I'm there with a guy, and I have a bad feeling. He's giving me like a really bad feeling right now. And he's very narcissistic.

 

(30:58 - 31:09)

Maybe he's controlling, maybe he's very charming and talks only about himself, and I just get a bad feeling. Trust that feeling, basically, is the answer here. Trust that bad feeling.

 

(31:09 - 31:29)

Trust that feeling, but also before you even go anywhere with this individual, you should have a video call or at least a phone call. Interact with the person before you decide to do anything, because even the voice, right, even just that interaction, whether it's a video call or a regular phone call. You feel it.

 

(31:30 - 31:48)

You'll already get a sense of kind of what is happening, even through that limited interaction. And that's funny you say that because I'm obviously single, and there's been times where I don't go on dates just like that. I'll just have to call someone first on a FaceTime call mostly.

 

(31:48 - 32:03)

I do that these days because I'm very picky of who I meet and who I date, obviously. So I need to do a FaceTime date first, a FaceTime call. And actually, the last few times I've done those FaceTime calls, I had bad feelings, whether it's because they're sociopaths, psychopaths, or serial killers.

 

(32:03 - 32:08)

It's just I didn't feel right talking to them. I just didn't feel safe. And so I didn't go on a date.

 

(32:08 - 32:25)

And actually, maybe that saves me, maybe it didn't. But I did the FaceTime call, and it does help. Listen, so from my perspective and any listener that we're talking about is if you're alive tomorrow, then you've done the right things that you needed to do today.

 

(32:26 - 32:43)

So you're alive, right? And so that's all that matters to me. The practice that I have is about making sure that there are no more victims, whether it's victims of assault of any kind. And so I'm not here to kind of victim blame or to put all the onus on the potential victim.

 

(32:44 - 32:56)

What I'm saying is that there are things that we can do. There are things that we try to talk ourselves out of, right? Like, well, I need to go on a date because it's been, I don't know, several years. No, you don't need to go on a date because it's been several years.

 

(32:56 - 33:13)

You don't need to do anything that you don't want to do. So don't do those things. And if someone is trying to make you do them, it's not because they want you, right? It's because they want to own you or control you or do something to you.

 

(33:14 - 33:37)

So someone, a real friend or someone who really cares about you will meet you where you are, not trying to drag you out of whatever it is, of the boundaries that you've already put up. That makes a lot of sense. And when you say that, like, really good liars, like really incredible liars, a guy who, for example, says he wants to be my boyfriend, let's say, for example, and you're mine, I want to be with you.

 

(33:38 - 33:49)

But then they're lying about having a wife and three kids and basically hides everything online. And his name is different than his real name. So it's like a not catfish, but it's like a fake.

 

(33:49 - 34:14)

He's showing, portraying a fake him. Would that be sociopath or just a really like evil liar? You know, again, it depends on what exactly, what are the ultimate goals here? Like if he's just doing it with you, I think that there might be some, maybe just some kind of stalker-esque, delusional-esque types of things. So that's not necessarily sociopathic or psychopathic.

 

(34:15 - 34:22)

If he's doing it to multiple women, then maybe he's a pathological liar. And that's kind of the thing that he's trying to get at. She's had it all.

 

(34:22 - 34:44)

And so, but if ultimately the thing is, is that you're a target because they want to bring you down for whatever reason. Because I'm naive, I'm kind, I have all those qualities. Then we're getting closer towards, but that individual probably won't stop with you saying no.

​

(34:44 - 34:51)

Won't stop. That individual will continue to. After I got, it just got horrible situation.

​

(34:51 - 34:57)

I came home, cut him off, blocked him. New number. He's messaging me.

​

(34:57 - 35:00)

He's messaging me. Blocked on Instagram. Keeps making new accounts.

 

(35:00 - 35:04)

Keep watching my stories. Like it just doesn't stop. It's like, no, this is not happening.

 

(35:04 - 35:07)

You have, you're lying. You're a liar. Won't stop.

 

(35:07 - 35:13)

Won't stop. Now I'm like a target. Not that I don't think anything will happen because he doesn't know my address or anything like that, but won't stop.

 

(35:13 - 35:28)

So to that, I would say, even though they, you think that they don't have it, we live in a world right now where it's easily got. So whatever information you think is a secret, it's not a secret. There are ways that individuals can get that information.

 

(35:28 - 35:39)

There's a secret service. There's a security. So you need to make sure that you're doing what you need to do in order to stay safe, which is contacting law enforcement and letting them know that this thing is happening.

 

(35:39 - 35:52)

You know what? There's nothing that they can do. Honestly, the protective order is worth less than the paper it's printed on. But the more people know, the more people can be aware.

 

(35:53 - 35:59)

Right. And so a protective order isn't going to help you. Not really, not in the long run.

 

(36:00 - 36:15)

But it's putting people, it's putting these negative individuals on the radar of law enforcement, which is really all that you can kind of ask. So there's not a lot you can do in that situation, except for not engage. Yeah.

​

(36:16 - 36:18)

That's good to know. Never engage. Right.

 

(36:18 - 36:37)

So you can't do anything. That's the other thing is that these individuals go off of a reinforcement basis, meaning any interaction that you have when you talk, you could talk about them and not say their names. But even on a podcast, they'll know that it's about them.

 

(36:37 - 37:07)

And so it's it's reinforcing then the behavior. So you have to you have to not say anything about it to anyone, anywhere, anytime, you know, in a public forum. Right, like talking to police, that's one thing, but what I'm what I'm what I'm trying to say is that individuals like this will use any opportunity that they have to make it seem like the relationship that they think is there is growing stronger.

 

(37:07 - 37:35)

So anytime that you make an announcement about these kinds of things in a public setting, whether it's through social media, podcasts, these kinds of things, they feed off of that, they enjoy that kind of thing. And it emboldens them to do more, because in their mind, because you're talking about him, then you at the front of your that he's at the front of your mind, which is what he wants. So just today, we're mentioning it.

 

(37:36 - 37:40)

She's talking about it. I know about it. Now we're explaining it to you.

 

(37:40 - 37:44)

If he hears the podcast, he knows. He's the one. Wow.

 

(37:45 - 37:51)

Yeah. But here's the other thing is that there are other people that you don't know are actually stalking you. They're cyber stalking you.

 

(37:51 - 38:14)

And so you then you can't. So then, even though I said all of this thing, how can you then not just live your life? Well, you should live your life. So if if your podcast or if your articles that you write, like if your whole kind of everything about you is about being an advocate for victims and everything like that, then you need to make these statements.

 

(38:16 - 38:35)

But that doesn't mean that these people won't use that and reinforce whatever delusion that they have inside of their delusion. It's delusional, right? Because I'm a very good liar. And these kind of people only care about pleasuring themselves, too, right? Like you said before, it's about sex for themselves, not you.

​

(38:35 - 38:39)

Like, no. Like, so that's another thing. That's your crazy side.

 

(38:39 - 38:42)

What happened. But now now it all makes sense. Everything makes sense.

​

(38:42 - 39:06)

Everything makes sense. Now, after learning everything today in a 45 minute session, I feel confident in looking around for different things and knowing that that scenario was exactly what we thought it would be. And for anyone listening to this, I'm sure there's lots of young females who listen to this podcast that are like me at a bar or on Bumble or on Tinder or on Instagram DM.

 

(39:07 - 39:22)

And they can listen to the science, you know, they can they can know what to do before going on a date, what they shouldn't do and what they should do if they are getting stopped or feeling afraid. Yeah, absolutely. I love the tip that you said.

 

(39:22 - 39:41)

Make sure you listen to their voice. Make sure you're, you know, even if we could do a FaceTime, see their face, see their expression. You know, we can very much measure somebody's heart on their sleeve, whether it's there or not, whether the salt of the earth, whether they're genuine, whether they're fake.

 

(39:42 - 39:49)

You can see their expression change their happiness, their sadness, their starkness. And that today was a big thing for me. So thank you.

​

(39:49 - 39:54)

I really appreciate that. Before we end this, though, I do want to hear. Sorry, we're taking your time.

 

(39:55 - 40:04)

But this is very intriguing. Very intriguing. I want to know a little bit more about the case studies that you studied, like Harvey Weinstein and Johnny Depp, Amber Heard.

 

(40:04 - 40:17)

And I mean, I was just blown away. I watched the entire case for that. And for Harvey Weinstein, I just, you know, to be honest with you, I mean, just if he were to walk towards me, I would just feel a sick feeling.

 

(40:17 - 40:24)

He looks so disgusting. I don't even know how he got to the position that he was in. Well, I mean, there are various reasons why that happened.

 

(40:24 - 40:37)

But so I'm not really a content creator on social media. I do a lot of just, you know, traditional media type stuff. So a lot of the work that I do has been as a live trial analysis.

 

(40:38 - 41:05)

So all of these cases that, you know, that that happen, I'll be on Court TV or formerly the Law and Crime Trial Network where, you know, we're talking about the trials, you know, in real time and providing analysis. And I provide psychological analysis for what's going on. You know, there's each one of these individuals have had different kind of psychopathologies.

​

(41:05 - 41:31)

And they're all a product of a system that allows men like this to be in power and to remain in power as best as they can. And so it's always important to make sure that you call out as a man, right, as a man calling out when other men are doing things that are clearly wrong. That doesn't mean that I always know when another man is doing something wrong, but when I see it, then I have to then I have to correct it.

 

(41:31 - 42:35)

And so that's part of kind of what I've been doing through the media work that I do is making sure that we understand why, right, I never excuse anybody's behavior. I always explain why, and then calling out these systems that allow and perpetuate these kinds of things to continue to happen. Okay, okay.

 

I have an idea. I think that every time Brittany's going to go out on a date, I'm going to lock the date in a padded white wall room, and we will have you chime in and see how he's behaving before she, no I'm just kidding. Did I say that? You know, they're running around like this and you know, I'll say, you know, Dr. Delatore, tell me something.

 

Is this a good date for Brittany? I don't know. It's going to be no, right? It's always going to be no. But, oh, fine.

 

It's very nice when the guy is respectful to call you before, let's say if you meet online, like a lot of the guys I've met in the past are online. And then it's always better to meet them in person, like at an event, right? Because you know them, you talk to them, you interact, you feel safe. You get that, you get that feeling.

 

(42:35 - 42:45)

Like I asked you for lunch. Hey, I'm going to go for lunch next week. Like, that's really nice.

 

They want to go for lunch in the daytime when it's public. An actual date. Come over at 11 o'clock at night, we can watch Netflix and chill.

 

(42:46 - 43:01)

You don't know that, what's going to happen to you, right? So I find that's really respectful in a man. If you meet at an event, I'm saying, and you know them, hey, I want to take you for lunch at like one o'clock, like brunch, lunch, like it's in public, it's daylight, like you feel safer. Yes.

 

(43:01 - 45:16)

Yeah. And I think for some women, it's also important that they also feel equal in that interaction that if the guy calls you up and says, hey, let's go to lunch, you have the opportunity to name the place. Right, that there's obviously there are some women who prefer that the men make all the plans, especially early on.

 

But the reality is, is that, especially in the initial times, you should have the freedom to say whatever it is, wherever it is, whenever it is that you are willing to do something and if the man can't adjust, then you don't need to go out with that man. And he could be perfectly fine. But the men also have to understand the word no, right? And understand that some women may feel uncomfortable.

 

And if they're unwilling to make that adjustment, in the initial time, at that time that everybody's feeling uncomfortable, then there's no reason to think that they're going to do that later on, if you decide to continue in a relationship. I like that. This is good.

 

This is good advice. And so before we end this, do you have any final piece of advice for anyone listening to this who, again, maybe like Brittany, going on a date or being single or, you know, just finding the signs out there how to protect themselves, we know the goal of your work, what you're doing is so incredible, you're protecting people to protect themselves. And so what final piece of advice, which you've said so many amazing advice, this whole podcast, but what final piece of advice can you give to our listeners today? Stop listening to TikTok, right? Stop, you know, watching the reels that you see on Instagram, even those mental health experts, right, quote unquote experts.

 

The only real expert you need to listen to is yourself, right? If you understand yourself, then you can get yourself out of any situation. Listening to other people talk about their experiences isn't going to help you with your experience. So take the time to understand yourself, know why you're doing what you're doing, and understand your own emotions, you get to that point, then you'll be so much more safer than just listening to someone on TikTok, psychologists or not.

​

(45:17 - 45:54)

I feel like really, I feel really good from this. Thank you. Thank you so much.

 

And where can people find you if they want to get in touch and learn more information from the work you do? Yeah, you can find me on all the socials, Dr. John Delatorre, and my website is www.resolutionfcs.com. Incredible. And so anyone listening to this, protect yourself, right? Know your size. Go with your gut.

 

Go with your gut. Gut never lies, tells you and gives you the radar. And we hope this helps people spot signs of sociopaths, psychopaths, serial killers and stay safe.

 

(45:54 - 45:58)

What they need to see and know. Absolutely. Thank you so much.

 

(46:27 - 46:48)

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(47:20 - 47:31)

I feel like I've just been tossed around a room. I need chocolate. Actually, Britt, whip me up one of those heavy, hard, extra floater fuzzy navels you made the other day.

 

(47:31 - 47:37)

That'll do the trick. Finish this off right. You're hilarious.

 

(47:37 - 47:54)

Well, thank you everyone for your support and for listening. You know what I mean when I say listen, write us a review, follow up and tune in to every episode every Wednesday. And if you do that, guess what? Nikki is going to take you out for a nice coffee date.

 

(47:54 - 47:59)

I don't do coffee. I'm not taking anyone for coffee. I'm taking them to a strip club.

 

(48:01 - 48:15)

Well, I'm not part of that. In fact, I'll be taking a nice warm hot bath with X and salt and reading my lovely romance books in a walk with Charlie. And if it's fall time, probably going to be drinking pumpkin spice lattes or going to Pilates all year long.

 

(48:15 - 48:21)

But you know what? Until next time. We love you and thank you for tuning in.